Life is changing so fast and I’m both happy and sad. I chose to not have roots. I chose to be a traveler long before I took to the road. My partner and I chose not to have children. We simply didn’t want to have the responsibility or commitment. I admit that I am selfish in that regard, but I’d rather be selfish in that regard, than to be a bad parent. I am not saying that traveling parents are bad people. I’m just saying… I don’t think I could do both, personally. Could that change? Maybe… stranger things have happened.
I’m literally starting over… and this is hard and wonderful and amazing! At times I am overcome with my own potential. Before I started school again, I thought my brain was dead. I literally felt stale, like my brain was content. I would forget nearly everything. My brain was as out of shape as my body (which I’m also working on, but that’s another blog entry) and once I really started using it again… not just for things I wanted to do and learn… but to really be challenged… to struggle to learn an answer or find a truth… to feel yourself grow as person. Grow from a place you forgot to remember was possible.
My life is changing again. I ran my own business and did my own thing for close to a decade. I thought I loved it, but what I really loved was the freedom. I do love domain names and I will continue to hold a small portfolio, but the “life of a domainer” was killing me. I didn’t realize it until I took a giant step back. Sometimes life has to crush you to make you see the bigger picture. I fell into domain names and got overly comfortable. In doing so, I lost myself and any aspirations I may have had.
The older we get – the faster time flies – the smaller the world becomes – the closer we get
I am defined by my choices and I always chose in a way that would leave my options open. Whether we’re talking about a meal, a relationship, or a living arrangement, there was usually an escape clause. I believe that comes from a deep rooted fear of commitment. Thinking that something or someone better will come along and you’ll already be consumed. I never realized how self-absorbed was, but I understand it. Now, I am free.
Once in a while we visit a place, or meet a person, or have an experience that changes everything… including the way we see ourselves in the world. This can be a profound experience that makes you question every aspect of your being. The key to survival is strength and tenacity. I’m no longer afraid to commit. I am committed to my education and my career goals and I am committed to being a better person.